10 things I LOVE about IFS
- Mihaela Homjak
- Apr 3, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 5, 2024
In my previous post What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) psychotherapy approach?, I wrote about the IFS model, how Dick Schwartz discovered and developed it, and described the map of parts and their usual roles in the inner system. In this post, I share with you 10 main reasons why I continue applying the IFS model not only in psychotherapy with clients, but also in my everyday life.
1) Non-pathologising lens
Getting a mental health diagnosis may be quite a distressing experience for many people, carrying with it stigma and inducing shame and concern. IFS does not use diagnoses and sees those challenges as parts- trying their best to protect the system in the only way they know. This way of connecting with the system opens up space for more compassion, less judgement, and ultimately collaborative and healing work. This allows those parts to relax, become more trusting, less extreme, and ultimately bring amazing gifts to the system.
2) ALL parts are welcome- yes, even THOSE ones
The approach in IFS is not to try to get rid of or silence the parts. Not only because it is impossible to get rid of parts (as they belong to the system and cannot be removed), but also because avoiding, ignoring and suppressing does not work- and it can only bring those poor parts back with more intensity and fierceness. So yes, ALL parts are welcome- and that includes even those ones which we may have tried to hide (from self and others).
3) We ALL have parts (including your therapist!)
What a humanising way of connecting in the therapy space- knowing that your therapist is not some perfect human without any parts or triggers. Clients are beautiful mirrors to their IFS therapists- their systems can detect when the therapist may not be Self-led but taken over by their own parts. Therapist can own, name, take care of and soothe their own parts and allow the Self presence to shine through again, creating more safety and trust for their clients.
4) And yet, there is something in us that is NOT a part!
Discovering that EVERYONE, including most traumatised, hurt humans has access to Self- energy, and that their essence is INTACT and able to HEAL their system, no matter what unimaginable experiences they may have gone through in their life, brings HOPE. This spiritual aspect of IFS allows this approach to become a way of living, not just a therapy approach.
5) Going as slow as your slowest parts are ready to go
As Trevor Hall sings, “Youuuu can’t rush your heeeealing…”
Instead of pushing, forcing and rushing the healing process (we all have THOSE parts- bless them with their good intentions!), IFS allows the client’s system to set the pace of healing, ensuring that each step forward has consent and permission from all parts. That ensures that therapy feels as safe as possible, prevents the backlash and allows truly profound and long-lasting changes to take place.
6) It is ALL ABOUT consent and permission!
Many therapy modalities can get to the Exiles and attempt the healing process. However, Dick has discovered that if that big step is not approved by fierce protectors of those wounded parts, they can (and most likely, WILL) backlash. This explains why sometimes the symptoms can intensify after certain therapy sessions, especially if we have touched the wounds that the system may not be ready to uncover just yet. Part of the IFS process is asking for permission, respecting if that is not yet given, and building trust and safety with the protectors until the time is right.
7) Healing can be a gentle process
So-called unburdening process of the Exiles in IFS therapy is often a beautiful, touching experience, led by the client’s own system and supported by the therapist, and goes much deeper than just the rational understanding of the trauma. It does not have to be intense or potentially re-traumatising (even when the original trauma WAS intense and overwhelming), and it can be done in a safe way that does not overwhelm the system. The release is felt experientially, and the changes can have observable, long-lasting effects on the whole system.
8) Empowering the client instead of creating dependency on the therapist/therapy
The best compliment an IFS therapist can receive is, paradoxically,
“I did not even notice you were there.”
That would mean that they allowed the client’s Self to interact with their parts, and only guided the process respectfully from the outside, so smoothly and organically attuning to the client’s system that their interference did not disrupt the process.
In IFS sessions, the client learns how to notice, unblend from and build trust and connection with their parts, as well as access Self-energy more easily in their life. If they can access sufficient presence of Self-energy, they may be able to do more and more of the healing work on their own.
9) IFS therapists work with their own parts- A LOT
In order to be a good IFS therapist, one must really get to know their own inner system, and their own parts, and build a good relationship with them. Only then a therapist will be able to recognise when their parts are up and trying to run the therapy session and reconnect to their Self energy needed to create a safe space for the client and their system.
10) Self-energy is contagious
Some clients wonder why it can be much harder for them to unblend from their parts and access Self-energy in their everyday lives when they seem to easily drop into it in a therapy session. One of the reasons may be that Self-energy seems to be “contagious”. Being around people (ex, the therapist) in that state allows the person to more easily access their own Self-energy, which can be especially beneficial at the beginning of the exploration of one’s inner system. The effect seems to be even more powerful in groups.
Does IFS resonate with you?
If you feel that this modality may be a good fit for you and are curious about it, feel free to get in touch. If you have any questions or would like to book a session, reach out to hello@mihaelahomjak.com.au .
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